Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
