Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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