Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
