mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!