So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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