Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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