i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
