I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
