is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
