She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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