I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
