Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
