the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
