if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
