Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
