God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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