I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
