My friends, they love my intelligence
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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