Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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