Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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