were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
