i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
