i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
