we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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