i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
