note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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