Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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