there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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