hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
