Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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