This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
