My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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