there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
