I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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