how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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