It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
