GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
