I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
