what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
