What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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