Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
