so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wear drunk well.
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