i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
