Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
