Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
