Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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