Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
