The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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