you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
