Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
