Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
try to milk me bitch
Shame is for Republicans.
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