sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
