i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
