So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
