so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So vagazzling was a success
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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