I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
