Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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