i may or may not be watching the land before time
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
