Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
