I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
