So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
3 2 1 whiskey
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
