Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
