No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
