doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
