Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everyone says I win the strip club
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
