Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
