the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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