the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
