if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
