I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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