She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
